trinity sunday sermon

here is the rough draft of the sermon i preached this morning (but without the changes i made on the fly to make it sound and flow better):

Grace and peace to you from God our Father through our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen

May the words of my mouth and the meditations of all our souls be pleasing unto you, O Lord our Rock and Redeemer. Amen.

Today is the day the church takes time to focus on the Trinity. I don’t know about you, but this confusing and complex doctrine normally gives me a headache as I try to understand. Let’s think about this. Three-in-one. One plus one plus one equaling one. (SLIDE - math) And the one is the same yet not the same. Because they can’t be different since if the three were different, then they couldn’t be one. Yet they are not just one because there are three.

For all you mathematicians out there, this Trinity business probably doesn’t add up.

But for all who believe and profess that the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are one, the math doesn’t matter.

The church has a tradition of using various examples to explain how on earth the three are one, how the one God is three.

My personal favorite example is the clover. (SLIDE - clover) Attributed to have been the brainchild of St Patrick as he attempted to explain the relationship of Father, Son and Holy Spirit to the Irish, the clover is an example of how there are three parts and yet one clover.

But the fact remains that any attempt to understand the Trinity leave so much out of the equation.

Because the clover or a three-legged stool or a triangle are inanimate. They do not show the relationship and change as the three work together, taking on different roles and yet working together.

The Trinity is all about relationship.

There are different parts or entities in the Trinity, yet they are united and completely one. Because there is only one God.

The relationship between Father, Son and Holy Spirit is one of my favorite doctrines. I love the image that God is not alone. That God is not just the only child playing with playdough or dolls, creating imaginary worlds that come to life as words are spoken aloud. God is with others who are playing and journeying with God.

Proverbs tells us that Wisdom was with God at the beginning of it all. Wisdom was there when God was creating the world and everything in it. God had some company.

God was relationship at the beginning. But that relationship doesn’t end with God.

Because God created human beings. Humanity was invited into that relationship with God. This is a long-standing invitation. The book of Proverbs was written and compiled about 2500 years ago. That is a long time.

Currently the Wednesday Bible study is reading through the book of Proverbs. And in Proverbs, wisdom has been depicted as a street preacher of sorts, standing on the corner trying to get the attention of God’s children who keep walking by. God’s wisdom is personified as a woman who is out and about among human beings.

Woman wisdom is not the only part of the Trinity to walk among human beings.

We read the gospel of John remembering the words of chapter 1: “in the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God.” The Word, better known to us as Jesus, was with God at the beginning. But Jesus was and is God.

And shortly after that, we read that the Word became flesh and dwelled among us. Jesus is the Incarnation of God. Literally, the God who became flesh. Jesus is Emmanuel, God with us.

Today’s text in John is part of a speech Jesus is giving to prepare his disciples before Emmanuel leaves. The Son of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit will be departing. But he will not abandon us. We are promised a Spirit, an Advocate will be bringing us truth and teaching us more. Last week we celebrated the arrival of that Spirit as it marked a big change in the life of the church.

Today we remember and rejoice that the coming of the Spirit acts as a reminder of how God is with us. The Holy Spirit is among us, keeping us in relationship with God, the triune God who is three-in-one.

All of this theology can be hard to understand. God knows that that we will struggle to understand, just like the generations that came before us.

But today is not the right time to focus on what we don’t understand. Today I want to focus more on the relationship between the triune God and humanity.

God is not a deity who made the world then stepped back to let it do its own thing. God is the God who wanted to be in relationship with creation. And God is in relationship through Woman Wisdom, through Jesus, through the Word, through the Spirit. All of which are God.

And I want to remind us all that each aspect of the Trinity is in direct relationship with humanity. Because God did not just forget about us, but instead keeps coming in contact with us to guide and teach.

Our God loves us so much that God walked among us, that God continues to walk with us as we journey.

So today let us celebrate the God who was and is and is to come. Let us remember that our God is the Creator, Redeemer and Sustainer. Let us rejoice that God the Father created us, God the Son died for our sake and was resurrected, that the Holy Spirit is still here to sustain us.

We can be grateful that God has invited us into relationship through the words spoken by Wisdom and the Word of God.

We can be humbled by the fact that God created such a magnificent world and wants to share it with us, that this God wants to be in relationship with us.

The Trinity is all about relationship. Each part of the three-in-one is unique and yet the same.

Just as we are a church united in our faith and yet special in our own way.

Thanks be to God. Amen.

still praisin God

this has been a very long week. nothing like losing a friend on monday. then going back to work on tuesday when only my world had been shattered. 

so i went in early with the intention of being able to talk with my supervisor cause i needed a pastor. 

then i sat through a text study with other pastors. some of whom i told just before it started about what was going on in my life. and i was amazed that i was able to focus during the discussion about the coming sunday's texts. then in the afternoon, pastor mark and i went for ice cream as part of our weekly meeting. it was nice to be out and about. 

then i went back to my house so that i could read more and prepare for a bible study on wednesday. and to pack and prep my car since i would be taking off right after the bible study to try and make it in time for derik's prayer service. 

wednesday was hard. it was hard to focus when my mind and heart were already back home with my family and friends who were grieving. the bible study went well since i've adopted an approach where i just let the people talk. and it means that i can take some time every once in a while to zone out. which i tried not to do. i survived. 

then i took off on the road. and drove in sunshine the entire way. since i left at 12:15, i didn't get to dimock (where the service was held) until 7:10. not bad in my mind. they were still saying the rosary when i arrived. so i snuck in and sat next to my mom and sisters (all of us made it back). it was a nice service. i didn't start bawling, but i definitely sat there with tears in my eyes. afterwards i went up to see derik. and i was struck that he really did look like he was sleeping and would wake up any moment. most funerals and visitations i go to are of the elderly whose skin looks discolored with the makeup. he looked at peace. 

my mom and sister had gone shopping to find a memorial of some kind that my family could give. and my mom found the perfect one. she had been looking for something music related since he was such a gifted and dedicated musician. but then she spotted a little boy holding up a frog. and remembered how my sisters and i would play with derik. how kayla and kendra in particular would spend hours catching frogs with him. or looking for snakes. or digging up worms. 

and we all realized that so many of us had focused on what derik loved for the last half of his life while ignoring the childhood. so we began to remember more of the stories and crazy antics we had done. cause catching slimy things was the least of what was done. because there was the time when derik married two of our siblings, krissa and cameron, when they were 2 or 3 or 4. somewhere in that age range. and none of us would let them get a divorce. cause only one of us older siblings could approve the divorce. and we didn't want to. 

then we spent some time in a park eating deserts and talking with people. i chatted with the only other of my classmates who was back. mike, who was derik's cousin and a pall bearer but also happens to be a second/third cousin to me (i never know how to classify relatives). 

since the funeral was in the afternoon, my sisters and i spent the next morning slowly getting ready. some slept in while others were up because libby, the 19-month-old decided that sleeping in would be bad. 

once again, we made it through the funeral. the worst part was watching the family walk out at the end. i don't know if i'll ever forget how his mom was leaning on his dad to walk. or how my little bro was crying as he walked behind his parents. 

it was over before i knew it. 

then the next stop was the hall where a meal was served. three of my sisters and i sat with some friends from high school. it was so nice to be able to reconnect with the boys i hung out with way back when. kes (and his wife), travis, and chad (and his wife). to be able to laugh. i also said hi to some other classmates of mine. 

then ki and i walked home since parkston is a small town. people stared as we walked dressed in black with heels. but it was good to be moving. 

my sisters and i took a picture of the five of us together in our black/white outfits. 

i spent friday with krissa and libby cause kendra, kayla and mom were all back at work. and kiana was already at the sd state track meet. poor little libby was sick all week and spent most of friday sleeping. with a short walk and play in the park. when it was ridiculously hot outside. then her other grandma and aunts came to pick her up. 

the other highlights of the trip: 

- watching "valentine's day" and "invictus" since kris and ki bought those movies

- going to the state track meet to watch ki jump for that last time at the high school level

- wearing shorts in 90 degree weather and working on some awesome tan lines

low points not mentioned before:

- being eaten alive by gnats. stupid pests...now i have bites all over my arms and neck...

- sunburned nose from the meet and the trucker's tan (you know how only one side of your body gets sun while driving...)

overall it was a nice trip as i got to see my dear old friends and family, no matter how crappy the circumstances had been for the reunion

praisin' God in the midst of it all ain't always easy

this has been a long year. a very long, touch, strenuous year.

there have been major ups and downs. last february and march i hit a major low.

but i was on an upswing because i adopted a mantra: God is good.

so i've been doing much better emotionally and spiritually. 

but today i received some more major news.

and not of the good kind.

i'm not sure i want to give the complete story (or back story), so here is a brief synopsis:

i moved to parkston when i was five. and two doors down was a family with two small boys. one was 6 months younger than me (which means he was 6 months older than kayla, the sister who comes right after me). derik and his brother cam grew up with me and my sisters. we've known each other for about 20 years. 

today derik committed suicide. 

this is the guy who agreed to be my prom date way back when. and was a complete gentlemen with the weird girl down the street. 

the guy i just talked to last month when i was home. who walked around town for about 30 min just catching up. 

the guy who just turned 25 earlier this month. 

i'm still in shock. i mean, i know it's real. that it happened, but it seems surreal that derik's gone. 

i was texting my sister kiana back and forth when she let me know about the abundance of vehicles at the house two doors down. ambulance and police. my first thought was that derik had done something. hoped that it wasn't the case.

but it was. derik had done something.

and it was a blow when i got the official message from kiana letting me know that derik haag was dead.

then i talked to my sister kendra, who called me crying. she was the first to start breaking down the shock barrier when she reminded me of how we knew something was wrong and had been for years. how we had been hoping that he was doing better. but the guilt from not doing enough. from not checking in. his suicide wasn't a shock since we had worried about such a possibility for years, but it still seems untimely. the regret will still be there. cause we should have been able to help him. that we shouldn't have abandoned him by moving away and losing contact with him. which we did. 

then i talked to my mom whose first words were "i have a migraine." i guess i now know where i get the migraines after crying from. because my mom had gone over to sit with mary, derik's mom. where she learned that mary had always hoped derik would end up dating one of us girls. and was reminded that derik had enjoyed seeing me just a few weeks ago. 

then my mom shared the fact that krissa, who was happy and bubbly from finally getting back home from college in new york almost two weeks later than originally expected, had her bubble burst right away. my little sister who had wanted to be home by may 15th for kiana's graduation. the one who was so happy to see her mommy and daddy after being away from home for months. when i was talking to mom, she let me know that kiana and krissa (the two youngest sisters who are home) were over with cam. cause cam is our brother. and they had to be there for our brother who just lost his brother. 

it sucks. 

i mean, i lost a friend. but the family lost a brother, a son, a grandson, a cousin. 

so i'm bawling cause i can't imagine their pain. 

and i'm praying a lot cause that's all i can do right now. pray to God to give them strength to get through this horrible ordeal. pray to God to take care of derik, who i hope and pray is finally at peace. 

and i'm going to intentionally choose to praise God because that is what we're created to do. 

even though it hurts

chaos ensues

i love crazy days.

really, i do.

i love when life throws you curveballs and expects you to be able to deal. cause that is what i do best. i survive.

not that i can play baseball. cause i can't. i really can't. but i like the metaphor.

so last weekend with its constant chaos was amazing.

here is what my week was like last week: monday was totally boring at work all day in a church building where i was the only one there. then tuesday there was pastors text study and council that night. wednesday bible study (where i almost fell asleep cause i for some reason was not getting sleep) and youth stuff that night. thursday was a bit more relaxed as i visited people from the congregation, had bell choir practice at night then drove to concordia college in moorhead. so i was suffering from a lack of sleep.

on both friday and saturday, i was up early since i was a page at the Northwest Minnesota Synod Assembly (henceforth nwmn synod). 8 am reported for duty where i was assigned to hand out papers to conference 11, which is technically the island of misfit toys. seriously. conference 11 doesn't exist and was simply given a number for those poor unfortunate people who don't have a home conference. like the synod staff (including the bishop). or the guests. or the keynote speakers. for example, i sat with mark allen powell and sunitha mortha. it was fun to be able to be at ease with the important people. only major downfall about the assembly: stupid beds at concordia. i have never slept on harder, less comfortable beds in my life. it was bad. really bad.

highlights of the assembly:
- being around the other intern pastors. love reconnecting with my peers and being reminded that i'm not alone
- pastor party. yay for the chance to drink and hang out with other pastors and not feel as though you are being judged because you have a glass of wine or beer or whatever alcohol in hand. or to play silly games. which others did. anyone heard of "bang!" before?
- growth groups (better known as break-out sessions to most of us) where i got to think about "lutheran buzzwords" with mark allen powell and hear about youth ministry in roseau minnesota.
- worship services. where i was not leading or helping out in any way, shape or form. i could have easily volunteered to help out with ushering or serving communion. but i didn't. cause i wanted to be able to worship for myself. which i did. and loved every minute!
- getting some insight about being a cheerful giver. aha moment of learning that what you do and say will lead your heart. so if you decide that you want to be generous, act generous even when you are not feeling so generous because eventually your heart catches up with you. i like this idea that your heart follows where your actions lead it. fits into my "preach the gospel. use words when necessary" way of living. or the "actions speak louder than words."
- getting out early. we were done by 3 pm. which was nice. cause i had another five hours to spend on the road that night.

arrived at home at 8:30 pm. which included a stop along the way so i could pick up some melons for kiana's graduation open house. otherwise i would have been there earlier. stayed up way too late being with mom and sisters and working on my contribution to kiana's scrapbook. i wanted to go to bed at 10 (which is about 2 hrs earlier than my usualy bedtime) since i was suffering from an extreme lack of sleep. hadn't had more than 6 hours a night in over a week. most nights had been more like 5. and i operate best at 7. but stayed up til after 1 and was the last one in bed.

was presented with my new phone: samsung with the full keyboard. and it's red. very pretty. and now i have unlimited texting. which is awesome!

got up and ready for church. took kiana and libby (cause this way the toddler would not be underfoot for kendra, kayla and mom to get stuff ready for the open house). went to salem lutheran in parkston. which is my new congregation (yay for the awkwardness of transferring membership during seminary so you can stay a member in an elca congregation). kiana had to go cause she was being honored as a graduating senior (prospective member who was active in the youth group despite not being a member).

i had the noisy kid at church. she was not horrible by any means. but libby is most definitely not used to sitting in one pew for an hour. so by the end she just wanted to run around.

at church sat next to gary and jan coleman, friends from church. and gary is a former teacher to boot. poor jan later on volunteered to run out to the grocery store to pick up some stuff for cake decorating and took libby with. amazing woman.

graduation was interesting. some people talked to me about their families as though i knew who they were. and i didn't. but i can schmooze with the best of em. and did.

sad fact: krissa was unable to make it back. so kendra was texting her back and forth with updates and progress of the ceremony. and krissa would respond with pictures taken at a zoo. cause that's where krissa was. at a zoo.

schmoozed a lot at the open house with family and friends. met the band director kevin, who is a grad from bemidji state. we know some of the same peeps. he and his wife have an adorable little girl. three weeks old. tiny. lots of hair.

went to "letters to juliet" with kiana and one of her cronies, becky. really cute movie. and enjoyed the friend who was energetic and funny. and kudos to her for being willing to sit in between kiana and i at the movie theater. cause she had the popcorn so it just made more sense for her to sit between us. never had that happen before since friends usually don't sit between the siblings. especially when you just met one of them...

monday tried to sleep in. and was up and moving by 8:30. which was kinda sad. i mean, that is far from sleeping in on my day off. but rack it up to being up and moving no later than 8 for the previous 5 days. watched some movies. and some episodes of bones. left later than planned (about 4 pm) to head back to bemidji. where i arrived at 11 pm.

then yesterday (tuesday) i went to the pastors text study. and went out to lunch with melody. had some great conversation with her as we connected on some approaches to theology, reading the Bible, thinking about the Holy Spirit. then showed up for a women's circle and bible study. then went home to prep for my bible study on proverbs. and watched some superman on tv.

proverbs bible study part 1 went well. i'm looking forward to seeing what else i come up with to discuss over the next couple weeks.

now (as in 2 pm on wednesday), i'm trying to think up a very simple worship service for tonight. cause that's what i'm going to do...

may 9 sermon

May the words of my mouth and the meditations of our souls be pleasing unto you, O Lord our Rock and Redeemer. Amen

What are some words we would use in order to explain what peace is?

Absence of war or strife? Absence of anger or hostility? Sense of calm? Tranquility? Wholeness? Harmony? Pleasant? Happy?

I think, for all us, peace is a positive. Is there anyone who doesn’t like peace? Peace is something good to strive for, something that we long for, especially when we don’t have it.

I asked some friends to help provide me with some examples of when peace can settle upon us. And I was struck by one in particular.

We have all heard a baby cry. And cry and cry. We know how those cries pierce our hearts. But then the child falls asleep. And there is a peace that settles. A quiet that is almost tangible. We breathe a sigh of relief as the house falls quiet.

But such a peace is just temporary. It doesn’t last forever. Because the sleeping child will awake. But the temporary respite, the little bit of peace we get is enough to get us through the next few hours.

Whenever I think of peace, my mind takes me back to the places and times where I felt calm and at peace with the world. Peace was a form of quiet and the ultimate stage of rest and relaxation.

I go back to the places where I could escape from the stress and turmoil of life. From schedules and agendas, from trying people. Where I could forget all the bad and be at peace. When I felt a peace in my mind and soul.

Picture some of those places. Imagine walking through the woods and hearing nothing but the birds. Or standing on top of a mountain with a glorious view. Or standing outside as the snow falls and the entire world is quiet.

Those are some of my most peaceful memories. Not in the middle of an airport when planes are delayed. I don’t feel at peace when driving through traffic already running late. Such a contrast to being out in nature where I can breathe. Where I can be at peace.

Remember some of those other definitions? Like the absence of war. Pretty simple definition. If you are not at war, you are at peace. That doesn’t mean there isn’t still some worry or stress. That there is no anger or disappointment or hostility. Or frustration or injustice. But in political terms, times of peace can still have some of the negative as long as you are not killing each other.

But there is more to peace than avoiding war and killing. Because we also want to exclude the negative emotions. We want to have harmony between all people. Peace should be harmony. We want peace to be purged of all the bad.

Because that’s what peace is, right?

I know that’s my ideal definition of peace. Peace is the ultimate ideal to be lived up to. Peace is harmony and joy without any strife or anger.

But life is not always so peaceful. Life is more complicated and messy. And the chaos often prevents us from living a life of peace. Sometimes is seems as though there is little to no peace. Because there is always someone you may disagree with, someone you dislike. Someone who is not at peace with us.

But the message today does not say that we will be at peace with everyone. The message today is that the gift of peace is given not in the same way the world gives.

I don’t think that the peace Jesus is talking about is the same peace as putting the kids to bed for the night. I don’t think the peace is the quiet of nature. I think peace is beyond that.

Because those moments are temporary. The peace we find on our own does not last. But the peace that Jesus promises is different.

I have often thought about what God’s peace looks like. In the Bible, peace was the absence of war and killing. But peace was also a blessing.

For the Hebrews, peace was also a wholeness. A sense of health and well-being. Peace was a blessing from God where your entire body was cared for.

For the early Christians, peace went beyond that definition to include concord and harmony within the church. Peace was also a spiritual blessing. A blessing given through the Holy Spirit.

I wonder if there is something to the fact that Jesus does not give peace to us the way that the world  does. I don’t understand why and how Jesus is leaving peace. When I read that he is leaving his peace, I thought of looking down, right in front of my face, and seeing a present wrapped with a bow. A gift that I can pick up and open. Something I can touch.

But peace is not one of those gifts you can touch. It’s not something we can really reach out and grab. Peace is something we feel and experience.

Human beings are not generally a peace-filled people. We often have some disagreements and arguments. We don’t always get along perfectly with one another. But we are able to be at peace with one another when we can avoid killing. When we can continue to live.

Peace is somehow connected to living in faith. To hearing and obeying the teachings of Christ. To love and understanding. Peace is about relationship.

I’m pretty sure that God is able to give us the ability to do peace, to make peace, to live in peace. Jesus has given us everything we need.

The peace that Jesus gives is definitely a spiritual blessing. A tranquility of the soul that only the Holy Spirit can provide.

And this particular peace goes hand-in-hand with obeying God. As Jesus tells us in today’s gospel, those who love God are those who hear the Word of God. They are the ones who are able to listen and obey. They are the ones who are taught and reminded.

We are reminded because we can forget. But the Spirit is here to remind us and to bring us that peace that passes all understanding.

This peace that we are promised is one of the heart and soul. A peace that settles upon us and renews us. A peace that brings us closer to God and renews our faith.

So this morning, let us be reminded. Let us hear that promise Jesus speaks: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled. And do not let them be afraid.”

Thanks be to God for the gift of peace. Amen. 

snow in may

that's right...it's snowing. and today is may 7. cause that's what it does in northern minnesota.

i was really hoping that the predicted snow would not come, that the weather folk were wrong.

stupid correct predictions.

so here i am, as i have been for the last few hours, watching it snow.

stupid snow. doesn't it know that it's may? and by my reckoning, it should not be snowing in may. cause it's may.  and i should not be dealing with snow in may.

i know that's all repetitive (did i mention that we should not have winter weather in may?), but here is another reason why i'm so upset: it's may and the flowers are blooming. were blooming.

ugh. 

stupid snow in may

just another manic monday...oh wait, it's tuesday...

here was the crazy schedule of events for today:
6:23 am - alarms start going off and confused because the sun was shining (two reasons for the confusion: 1. it was really early and i thought it should still be dark 2. haven't seen the sun lately)
7:15 am - leaving the house to go get pancakes but didn't get there cause i forgot my shades at the house and cause i was willing to not get syrup on my shirt
7:45 am - mark prepping the plane to take off
8:00ish - in the air leaving bemidji on our way to brainerd
8:50 am - arriving in brainerd and meeting up with my chauffeur for the day (aka josh)
9:00 am - reporting to the intern cluster meeting where i got to reconnect with other interns and to eat enchilada lasagna
3:30ish - leaving the church and on the way back to the airport
4:15ish - arrival in bemidji after flying through a wee bit o rain
4:30 pm - eating pancakes
5:30 pm - meeting
6:15 pm - arrival back at my house...

note: the schedule really wasn't all that crazy. but it was crazy cause it started so early. nothing depresses me quite so much as waking up early. and i consider any time before 8 to be early.

here is a sample of the views between bemidji and brainerd:

note how many different lakes there are surrounded by ridiculous amounts of trees...

getting dirtier

today was a day of working with dusty old books.

i'm always amazed at how much dirt and dust books can collect.

so today i was working with some books wiping some of the dust and grime off so that the lovely stickers would stick. cause stickers don't stick when there is a layer of something on the book cover.

i should really think about taking a "before" picture in the library before i completely take it over and add pretty stickers to all the books. cause i decided the simplest way to organize this mess is by cataloging the books (so they have a complete list) and then by putting different color dots that correspond with a basic genre.

i have my work cut out for me.