palm/passion sunday sermon

here is my sermon for palm/passion sunday:

Palm Sunday seems to be a great time of transition and change. I know of at least two churches that started their services at one location only to process to a new worship space. Last year, the church I worshipped at in Minneapolis started at the old and walked a mile to the new. Ten years ago, the people of Bethel left the old location downtown and drove out to the church we’re sitting in right now. I don’t know who was part of Bethel’s procession. But I do know that such transitions are significant. From my own experience and from what I’ve heard from some of you, switching worship spaces is both a high and a low. On the one hand, you have the grief and loss that comes with leaving the familiar behind. On the other hand, you have the excitement and hope of the unknown future.

The texts today provide space for both the hope and the grief that accompanies numerous transitions in life. The reality is that life is incomplete without some ups or downs. We each can remember the good times and the bad. We often know the good because we also know the bad.

Today is the Sunday we remember both the triumphant procession of palms and the trials and death of the passion narrative.

Today we remember both the high and the low.

Lately that has seemed to be a common theme. The balance of the universe, perhaps. Because it always seem as though the good and the bad walk hand in hand. And there is some truth in the fact that we need both.

I know that this can sound cliché or corny. But I firmly believe that we do need both sides. 

This picture was taken at a summer camp. This was one of my favorite places with its lack of trees and water. Only the large sky and miles of hills and grass as far as the eye can see. This particular picture was taken of the sunrise at roughly 5 in the morning. It was amazing to watch the sky lighten and take on more colors while waiting for the sun to peek over the horizon. It was truly one of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen. And I could not help but praise God for such beauty.

But as I look at this picture, I am also struck by how the cross is also beautiful.

And the cross should not exactly be the most beautiful. For those in Jesus’ time, the cross was the worst form of torture and execution. The cross was horrifying. It was far from beautiful.

But we look at it and see beyond the horrendous pain and death of crucifixion. We see the love and sacrifice that is able to make the cross beautiful. We see how God was able to transform the bad into good.

Throughout the entire season of Lent, I wondered about why we need our own crosses. Why we must be tried. Why we must suffer.

I can think back to a sermon where Pastor Mark reminded us that we get sent through fire in order to be purified and strengthened. That the purification process, no matter how much it may hurt, will bring good from bad.

Then I read this text and was given some more insight.

I have always loved the story of how one criminal was able to see the truth about Jesus. How he was able to look beyond the fact that Jesus was dying as a criminal and could see that Jesus was something more. And I love how he is audacious enough to ask Jesus to remember him. When I read this text, I think of the Taize chant, “Jesus, remember me, when you come into your kingdom…” Such a beautiful plea.

And I love Jesus’ response. “Today you will be in paradise with me.” Such a beautiful promise.

But this past week I began to realize something else. It hit me that the down side of being in Paradise with Jesus is that death comes first. The promise of good does not involve avoiding the experience of bad.

Jesus did not flee from Jerusalem. He did not avoid the city that was known for killing prophets. He did not avoid the place where the religious leaders were threatened by his teaching.

Jesus processed in glory and triumph, surrounded by large crowds singing hosanna and waving palms.

Nor Jesus did fight to stay alive. He did not flee from the soldiers who arrested him. He did not lie to get out of the trials.

Jesus embraced the will of God and died on the cross.

Because avoiding the pain and death would do nothing. In order to triumph over death, Jesus had to die. There cannot be a resurrection from the dead without dying first. You cannot enter paradise until you have left this earth.

When I think about how such a good can come through the bad, I can only do one thing: Praise God.

I cannot help but praise the God who was able to embrace and overcome death. I cannot help but praise the God who was able to transform the horror of the cross into a symbol of love and beauty. I cannot help but pray to God and ask that God will remember me and hope that the promise of paradise is also for me.

In the midst of trials today, I cling to the promise that this world is not the end, and pray that Jesus will remember me when he comes into his kingdom.

Thanks be to God. Amen.

the setting of the sun

as i sit on my couch and work on worship-related planning, i am blinded by the sun

well, the shades are down so i'm not exactly blinded, but it's like looking at the sun through sunglasses. shielded and yet still blinded

but that's not why i'm writing about the sun

today i am happy because the sun is setting in a different location in the sky

for the duration of winter, it set far in the bottom, left-hand corner of my window (aka the south).

but today...it's on the far-right side of the window! yay for the changing of the seasons! and the fact that it's not completely dark before 5 pm...it's after 7 and still shining strong!

oh, and i know it's getting warmer since i broke out the sandals today. cause that's what i wanted to wear. and my toes didn't turn blue right away. score!

the last day for a long time...

it's not really the last day. at least, i hope it's not. cause i'd like to wake up tomorrow, God willing.

but today was the last day off for a long time.

and by long time, i mean about two weeks. and even then, my vacation after that is booked solid. different trips and activities everyday. and for a few days after. so i basically know what i'm doing almost every day for the next 23 days. which is a long time to plan in advance. at least for me.

but today was about time off. taking time to get some energy back before i lose it all in the chaos of holy week and easter and prepping for a 10 day vacation. of which only about 3 days don't have big plans, be it traveling or watching athletic events. and seriously, 6 of tens days will involve anywhere from 2 hours to 15 hours traveling in cars or trains or buses or planes. and who knows what traveling will happen spontaneously?

so today i slept in.
then did some laundry.
went grocery shopping.
did some more laundry.
made some pico de guillo (sp?).
went to a local church and watched 'the victor' (a musical passion play) with a friend/colleague. then went out with the same person to the keg n cork, a local irish pub. ordered a sam adams, which was pretty good for a beer (and i don't even really like beer). realized that we were really early for the friday night life. cause 8 pm is really early. and we were leaving before 10 pm, which is when the party was about to start.

tomorrow begins the long stretch and i'm super excited to make it to the end.

the tough factor

now, i bet you're wondering, what does such a post title mean? "the tough factor"

i have no idea. i just thought it was catchy

so that's the title for now

cause the option was "tough times update"

but i didn't like that one as much. cause i feel as though things are moving up

so here is the latest haps in the world of kara the intern:

for those of you who took a vested interest in how i fared with my committee, i survived (see the previous blog titled "humility"). i made the meeting last about three hours cause i wanted to get through the whole damn eval and try to understand where the hell they were coming from. yes, i just swore.

i will admit that i suffered a blow when talking to them. cause it was even worse than reading the eval. which i didn't think would be possible.

so that was rock bottom. but when you hit rock bottom, there is only one place to go:

up

so in the last week, i have been more intentional about being positive and coming to grips with some situations. and part of moving on involved taking one step at a time to slowly move forward. like my latest shopping spree with megan. or borrowing clothes from her. or like continuing to teach. and worship.

i do think the fact that the sun came back out for the first time in over a week helped.

i did get a compliment about how i dressed on sunday in my jacket. but i felt like a fraud. cause such an outfit is not me. i'm not a corporate executive. i'm a pastor who happens to like dressing casual. and i firmly believe that God welcomes everyone into church, no matter how they dress.

i'm currently working on completing my own evaluation of how well this internship is progressing and how i'm feeling called to and equipped for ministry. i know that i have a lot to learn. that was one thing that was glaringly obvious from my committee. i'm young. i lack a lot of the life experience they want in a pastor. and it's hard cause they are teaching me in a way that none of us like. they feel as though they need to be very opinionated and direct (yet vague at the same time). whereas i need them to speak truth in love. i need them to be encouraging and say, "yep, you got your work cut out for you. but there's potential for the makings of a great pastor."

the last few days i've been thinking really, really long and hard about what steps to take next. and not just steps to get through the next week. or through easter. but whether or not i want to finish out this internship.

and i think i do. as megan pointed out last weekend, i would be disappointed with myself if i stopped now. or even a month from now. cause that would be quitting. and i'm not a quitter.

so the challenge will be to remain focused upon God. and what God wants me to learn from those obnoxious, offensive people. cause they are part of God's family and i'm commanded to love them too.

but loving them does not mean trusting them. and i'm noticing that i'm not sure i can trust my committee. which is one of the hardest things to realize. cause i should be able to trust them. but i don't trust them. i'm upset enough to know that i don't want to trust them. so i'm working on being able to push myself to take another leap of faith in order to entrust them with some pieces of me, my life and my future.

i don't even trust them with being able to read my facebook statuses anymore. or this blog, which is why it is now private, invitation-only viewing. i don't trust them. they have broken my trust more than once. and i just can't handle the pain of constantly being hurt by the people i should be able to trust.

on the lighter side of my current life situation, my sisters (kayla and kendra) and i set up our trip(s) to new york where we will be visiting krissa, another sister. i'm looking forward to take a much-needed vacation. i'm looking forward to not only getting out of bemidji but minnesota in general. i'm looking forward to quality sister time. even if we might want to kill each other by the end of a road trip where i pick up kayla and kendra in chicago before driving the rest of the way to poughkeepsie. where we spend a few days hanging with krissa and her friends. where kayla and i literally sit next to each other on plane rides back to omaha.

because i need to be with people who can see the good in me along with all the bad. who can look and see me. and who still love me despite the fact that i'm not perfect. and know that i will never be perfect.

splurge part 2 (revised)

i know that i shouldn't, but i just couldn't seem to resist...i went shopping again.

and dropped a lot of money in one day.

well, two days...make that three...

day #1 was thursday afternoon here in bemidji. ventured to fashion bug, where i proceeded to purchase 10 new items. and got some amazing deals. like a new dress jacket, skirt, some dress slacks, shirts, shrug for less than $100. which is pretty amazing considering jackets/blazers can cost that much (or more) in some stores. cause i'm deciding to play along with the expected dress code. at least a little bit.

day #2 was friday. all day friday. as in, megan and i left my house in bemidji a little before 9 am and didn't get back til around midnight.

stop #1 was the outlet mall in albertville.

- dress barn: white summer jacket. first piece of clothing in YEARS where i paid full price. as in, no coupons or sale or clearance or deals of any kind...

- kitchen stores (two of 'em): cookie sheet, round cake pan, cake pan with carrying lid, mortar and pestle (so i can ground up spices...)

- clarks: new pair of super comfortable purple shoes. cause everyone should own purple shoes...

- eddie bauer: down vest (cause i love puffy vests so much that this was the third i've bought this year) and a world travel clock/flashlight/thermometer. yup, it will not only light up the darkness and tell me the time and wake me up, but it will also let me know how hot/cold it is. cause i need my purchases to be able to multi-task just like me

- old navy: pair of jeans for $14. the exact same size/style that i was wearing on my shopping trip

stop #2 was nordstrom rack in maple grove, where bought another super cute jacket for a mere $13 and a cute cami

stop #3 was pf changs, a chinese restaurant with a gluten-free menu. was a really good restaurant. and now i have leftovers. lots of them. cause what i ordered was a ridiculous amount of noodles, chicken and veggies.

stop #4 (and final stop) was ikea. where i bought a drying rack for dishes, a rack to store and display wine/juice bottles, cheap and lightweight comforter, straws, garlic press, sparkling juice, soup ladle. and megan bought me a housewarming gift in the form of a large pot. cause i only had small ones that work for one person but not even two.

day #3 was back in bemidji.

this afternoon i received a package in the mail. my sister had found and sent me some birkenstock sandals. i have to pay her back, but i also had to venture out so that i could exchange them for the right size. fortunately, the famous footwear here had the right size in stock. i called and they said they did. so megan and i traipsed over to the mall.

and after the shoe store, we walked across the hallway in the mall to joann fabrics. where i bought a welcome sign on clearance. of course, it was originally for st patty's day, but i have no problem with replacing the ginormous xmas wreath with a small green sign that says welcome and has three shamrocks hanging down. cause i figure it will work until i leave.

then we ventured to coldstone for our supper. and it was delicious. i like berries. and ice cream.

then we went to target to peruse the clearances and to pick up some trouser socks for me. cause the ones i have keep petering out on me. and it's not warm enough to pull out the no-show liners yet. while perusing, i found a cute black dress on the clearance rack. so i bought it.

then go to a concert. three show choirs from the middle and high schools here in bemidji. and an a capella group known as marcoux corner. and they were fantastic. i would recommend everyone to check them out and see them in concert if they can. cause they were that fantastic.

now it's late and i should think about going to bed.

at least i dont preach tomorrow.

Seamstress in training

My mom bought me a pretty sewing machine. It has pink and purple flowers on it. Seriously.

And I've decided to get back in touch with my feminine side by relearning how to sew. So I'm going to be a copycat and make a quilt. Cause that's what people in Minnesota seem to do when they have sewing machines.

And of course, it doesn't hurt that Mom gave me some bright fabric. Or that I found some really cute fabric at Ben Franklin's the other day for cheap.

So here's to hoping that I am far more productive in completing a quilt than in crocheting an afghan.

humility

lately i have been learning some hard lessons.

and clearly, one of the hardest things i've been working through is the challenge of maintaining discretion and of making certain that information that gets passed on is as true as possible.

because i'm becomming well aware of the fact that words are dangerous. very dangerous.

because two people can hear the same words, the same exact words, but hear two very different things.

i have always known this, but i've been humbled lately when i've been corrected. and reminded that what people hear and how they hear it are affected by their current mood or situation.

and being taught more about what discretion and confidentiality is. cause obviously i had different ideas about what can be talked about. i guess anything that relates to me is no longer fair game for me to talk about...although it is about me...

so i'm going to try to be careful to make sure that no one will misunderstand me. cause it gets irritating when people aren't able to understand. or even in extreme cases, aren't willing to understand.

but that is only one lesson of humility.

tonight i just spent a few hours working through an evaluation. which was not easy. cause they maintained their stances. at least they only got defensive once. which i knew would happen. and it happened exactly when i thought it would.

i discovered tonight that none of them would call me to be their pastor at this point in my learning. which is fine with me since i would probably never accept a call to be their pastor. because i am most definitely not meant to be their pastor.

but it still sucks to know that people have managed to separate what they defined as my personal strengths (as in, strengths of who i am as a person) from my strengths in ministry. which in my mind should be the same thing.

because i think that God calls each person to ministry and permits them to be creative in figuring out how to use our personal strengths to serve the people of God.

i'm proud that i managed to keep my temper. cause i was afraid that i would blow up at them. but i tried to stay as non-anxious as possible. and i did. i was oddly very calm. which is good cause i prayed a lot for strength to get through the evening. and i don't think i would have survived had i broken out in tears.

highs and lows

i think that this will be one of my more serious posts.

probably because i've been in a very serious mood all day.

if you know me (and to know me is to love me), then you are aware of how i tend to be optimistic and usually on the happier end of the scale. yes, i'm also highly cynical and sarcastic. but i like to think that i'm a "happy cynic" (to borrow a phrase from a luther sem prof, mark throndveit).

and maintaining a tension between optimism and cynicism is no easy feat.

but until this year, specifically until this past month, i was always hopeful. i always knew that i had a bright future, no matter how dark or bleak or warm and cozy my situation was. i had a bright future.

because God had a plan for me.

and i found solace in knowing that God had a plan, even if i had no idea what it was. no matter how frustrated or aggravated or irritated or annoyed i was that i did not know what was to come. God had a plan.

but in the last month, i can feel my energy and my joy being sapped. i cannot see the future. i cannot sense any brightness to come. because right now, i'm barely crawling up from rock bottom.

which i hit on ash wednesday. and rock bottom is not a nice place to land. ever. but especially not at the beginning of lent.

ash wednesday was when i read an eval from my internship committee.

which is when everything about who i am and what i feel called to become was called into question.

i'm not sure just how much of the eval i should be keeping confidential. but i figure since it's all about me, i can share it whenever and with whomever i want.

because it sucked.

i have to give credit where credit is due (which my committee could learn...) and admit that they brought up some very good points about where i struggle, where i need to grow. they were honest.

but it hurt.

a good pain, because this pain is driving me to dig deeper for answers, to humble myself and realize that i am not perfect, to reach out to God to help me learn.

ironically, i have been praying for this. i have been praying for the last couple years for God to bring me to my knees. because i knew i was far too self-confident. that i was too assured of what good i was going to be doing when i get out into the "real world" and help others.

but it still hurt.

but God is good. and in the last few weeks, God has provided me with people who have been true blessings as they let me rant and rave and express my pain. 

but for now, i'm taking time to focus on the fact that God is good and always has a plan.

praises

the last few weeks have not always been the easiest, but at least they served well to remind me that it's not about me. it's about God.

let me explain: i had my own ambitions, goals, expectations, plans. and they were great and perfect and rosy and cheery. but then i got a crash course in reality. when i follow my own plans, things go awry and other people don't necessarily approve. or downright disapprove.

but the last couple days i have been working really hard to remember that my work and ministry is not about how i perform, how my agendas are dealt with. it's about what God is doing in the midst of it all.

i got a wake-up call, and it hurt. cause i'm not a morning person. it always takes me a while to catch on, but i think that this memo finally sank in: it's not enough to gripe and moan and pray to God to change the situation to make it easier for me, but instead it's my job to praise God. because God is good.

and such a revelation lead to my most recent sermon:

Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.

Over the last couple weeks, I have been thinking about praise. Especially being able to praise God in the midst of trial, pain and suffering.

Praising God during times of trouble and of trial was one of the themes I kept hearing in today’s scripture readings.

For example, the prophet Isaiah was speaking in the context of a country being taken over. He was a prophet for a people being sent into exile far away from their homeland. Isaiah spoke about the goodness that would come when the people would turn back to and call upon God.

But even more significant, recent conversations and events in my life have shaped this message.

A couple weeks ago I went down to St Paul to visit some friends from seminary. One of them had been in Haiti during the earthquake. When we were talking one day, she mentioned how such an experience alters how you view the world, how your priorities can shift just because of a few minutes when the ground shook.

Katie told me that she was amazed at how the people of Haiti, five minutes after the earth stopped shaking, after buildings had collapsed, after their worlds had been turned upside down, those who were still alive praised God.

Their entire world was altered and destroyed, yet they praised God for something we take for granted. In the midst of death and destruction, they praised God simply because they were still alive. That they were still breathing.

Then this past Friday, I was happy to take part in the worship service that Cameroonian women prepared for the World Day of Prayer. Their service was titled “Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.” The commentaries that accompanied the prayers and liturgy explained how the people of Cameroon sing and praise God every day. That they praise God for all aspects of their life, from the earth to plants to animals to family.

And in the midst of these contexts, I learned something about praise and about being aware of the blessings God provides to the people of God.

I am humbled when I hear that the people who live in deplorable, sad, depressing circumstances are able to praise God. That their faith has such a firm foundation that they are able to praise God with every breath they have.

They are the ones most aware of that the fact that they are still alive and breathing is more than reason enough to praise God.

Life is all the reason we need to turn to God and say thanks. This is an important lesson.

I know that I’m not the first one to realize this. And I won’t be the last.

And so when I read today’s lessons, I am both humbled and chastised.

I am humbled when I read about how the psalmist thirsts for God.

We all know what thirst feels like. We have all been in situations when we have parched throats and our mouths feel like cotton. When all you really think about is how uncomfortable you are because you are thirsty. When all you want is water to quench your thirst. Can you think of the last time you thirsted for God like you thirst for a glass of cool water on a hot summer day?

And I am chastised when I read the New Testament. Jesus rebukes us because we understand how easy it is to point fingers at “those sinners” who must have deserved what they God. Jesus seems to suggest that far too often people can get cozy and comfortable, especially at a distance from tragedy. But the call to repentance, the call to turn back to God and God’s holy path is a call for everyone. Not just those people who were obviously doing something wrong. All of us are called to repent.

In both Paul’s letter to the church at Corinth and in Luke’s account, there are mentions of tragedies and disasters. Times when people lost their lives. Times when there was an automatic assumption made by the bystanders and survivors that God must have brought down calamity for a reason. That God caused tragedy because the people who perished were sinners and idolaters. The people who survived at a distance looked on and saw all this as an example of what happens when you don’t behave. When you are immoral. When you worship the wrong gods. When you put other things before God.

Paul and Jesus were clear on the call to repentance. And such disasters were the prime examples to startle people back to God.

Which makes me wonder what we are to be doing today.

Because no one is without fault. No one is without sin.

When we watch the news and learn about recent earthquakes in Haiti and Chile. When we learn about how HIV/AIDS continues to plague countries. When we continue to read about war and famine.

I struggle to understand when I hear about the people in those horrible situations who continuously sing and praise God. We think they have nothing, yet they know they have enough because they are still alive.

Their faith humbles me.

Perhaps that is one of the examples for us today. We are being shown how, in the midst of trials, death, pain and suffering, they are able to praise God. They turn to God because God is the only thing left in their life.

They can be examples to us, as we live sheltered from some harsh conditions of their lives, as we live with our own trials and struggles. We all need God.

In the midst of conflict, hurt, anger, betrayal, inequality, recession, frustration, hunger, thirst, war, and suffering. We need God. And we are to call on God because God does not abandon us.

Paul writes, “No testing has overtaken you that is not common to everyone. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it.” (1 Cor 10:13)

I personally struggle to praise God in the midst of the low points. I think about how we are being called and commanded to turn back to God. Those are the times to call upon God for help. I know that God is faithful. But do we praise God that we are still alive? That he is merciful enough to let us live?

When I’m brought down to my knees and am humbled, I know that I need God. But those times of trial are the times when I struggle to praise God. Those are the times I can forget to be grateful that I still have breath in my body because I am consumed and distracted.

We are still alive and have not been cut down. Like the fig tree in Jesus’ parable, we are given another year to change and grow.

We still have the option to make sure that God is our first priority in life.

To take the time to make sure that we don’t just turn to God for help, for someone to bail us out of trouble. But to turn to God in prayer, praise and thanksgiving.

Because our God is worthy of praise. Thanks be to God. Amen.

the grandma connection

so, i have had fun with grandmas always trying to hook me up with their grandsons, who all just happen to be about my age and very nice...

to date, i have met three grandsons.

my first week here, grandma #1 said that she was going to introduce me to her grandson who was my age and very nice and good-looking. and i met him a couple months ago.

grandma #2 randomly introduced me to a grandson who showed up at church one day.

grandma #3 told me one night at a concert that i should meet one of her grandsons who was about my age and very nice. less than two weeks later, while he was randomly visiting his grandma, she had him drop her off at quilting. and introduced us in front of all the lovely quilting ladies.

i'm averaging one introduction every two months.

which ought to be an internship record

then today, grandma #1 pointed out that there was a young man nearby who seems to be eligible and a nice young man.

oh, how i love meddling, matchmaking ladies.

hackerisms

when i write of hacking, i do not speak of the computer geeks wreaking havoc on the world with their mad computer skills.

i speak of hacking that involves coughing and hacking up a lung.

cause that is what i've been doing all day.

hacking.

my hackerisms (aka triggers that bring on episodes of hacking) are singing and breathing.

singing is semi-avoidable. because i work at a church and i sing in services.

breathing, however, just may be the death of me.

which is ironic at best

musicals

i am watching "west side story"

i remember this from when i was younger. and it has great music.

but the fighting at the beginning leaves something to be desired.

there is something not-so-scary about dance-offs ballerina style. and totally choreographed stage fighting where there is not much physical contact...

or maybe the fact that these gangs wouldn't last an hour on today's streets is the main problem i have

Sabbath Days

i took the weekend (friday and saturday) to rest, and i really began to appreciate the idea to do nothing but rest on one day a week.

sabbaths are awesome.

and necessary.

especially when you run at full speed for about two weeks and simply need to rest.

to prevent getting sick.

or being beyond exhausted.

God knew what God was doing when God included a sabbath as part of the list of "thou shalt's"

cause when i don't, i hit a brick wall and crash. and then i'm out for a few days as i try to recuperate. and of course, i'm still recuperating from being overly stressed for about two weeks. which means that i won't be at my highest level for functioning until next month.

which is when i get to go on vacation...

human barometer

i have a headache.

don't think it is because of any congestion or mucus buildup (which seems highly unlikely since yesterday and this morning i had no headache).

i blame the clouds that have rolled into the area.

oh, how i hate being a human barometer who suffers major change from high to low or low to high pressure.