family pastor

a congregation will be voting this coming sunday on whether or not to call me as their pastor.
i'm super excited (and if you happen to see me and ask me, i'll be wearing a giddy grin and be ready to start bouncing around).
but also nervous. nervous because nothing is set in stone and the vote hasn't taken place yet and i haven't signed papers and we haven't negotiated a start date...

and i keep getting ahead of myself.

about 3 weeks ago i was freaking out about never receiving a call, when all of a sudden a voice popped into my head and told me,
"Be still and know that I am God."
i love it when i get those moments of clarity. they don't happen often, so i really listen up when they do. that day i listened and immediately let go of the concerns and worries and felt my clenched shoulders relax. i was reminded that there was nothing i could do but be still and know that God is God.

and about a week later i was called and informed that a call committee intended on extending a call. i was pleased and shocked and unsure what to feel since the emotions were so intense as the call process was becoming real in a very different way.

i'm going to be a pastor.

what is really startling is how my entire life is working towards full-time ministry. i'm finally beginning to accept the title of pastor. somehow in the past few months, i've become comfortable with being a pastor.

i know, i know. i've been preparing for this for how many years and it's only now that i'm comfortable?
yep, it is.
cause until now i was always a student, but things are changing.
two weeks from today is my last day of classes. i'm nostalgic for the loss of the school setting that i've known and loved for the last 20 years.
but i'm ready to be a professional.
i'm ready to trade in the hoodies for sweaters and cardigans (oh wait, i've already done that...).
i'm giving up t-shirts for clergy shirts (i'm heading to north dakota where pastors can wear clergy shirts with jeans...i plan on wearing jeans at least once a week, just because i err on the informal side).

a year ago, i was still overwhelmed with the idea that my family would see me as a pastor.
a year ago, i needed them to keep me grounded and remember who i was (which was not a pastor).
but now, i'm a pastor.
and i'm still their daughter/sister/cousin/niece/granddaughter/friend.
i'm excited to be both.

last month strangers at a cousin's wedding saw me as the pastor and i'm pretty sure had no idea what my real name was, which i take is a sign that i've ceased to be the student and have stepped into the world of the pastor.

my family has started to shift how they see me and my role.
when i decided to go to seminary, i began being drafted to pray at meals. i still resist every once in a while, but i find it easier to say yes and am flattered to be asked.
when i told people i was going to be a pastor, they started telling me where the openings were.
when they realized that i would be able to preside over weddings and baptize children, they began asking me to enter their lives in new ways as the family pastor.

i talked to two of my four sisters today.
one sought some pastoral advice from me (which oddly enough looks exactly like asking her big sister for advice).
and the other, when she called, joked with me that she was calling to talk to her sister and not the future pastor.

the tension is there between pastor and sister.
but not for them.
because i'm both sister and pastor.
i'm the sister who will be a pastor.

as both pastor and relative, i can bring a special, personal connection to key moments in life transitions.
moments i would be part of anyway as family, but as pastor and family i get to bring a more intimate bond into the moments blessed by God.

and i'm excited