ugh

it's amazing how one syllable can sum up your entire mood.

and "ugh" fits me to a t right now. 

allow me to elaborate a bit. this week just never seems to end. it's flown by because i've been so busy, but right now i'm so drained...

i finished monday with over two hours of cleaning. that's right. i cleaned with an arm that had a swollen bug bit approximately the size of my hand...i have a picture to prove it. and if i remember, i'll even post it to gross people out. won't be today, but i may go back and add or edit in the next couple days. 

i'm on antibiotics...boo...first prescription in my life. seriously. mom couldn't think of any. other than glasses or contacts, and those really don't count. so now, in addition to a crazy schedule, i have to remember to take a pill three times a day. easier said than done. 

my tuesday was uber long. i got to the church at 8:45 am. which is pretty good for me since i don't have anything going on until 10:30, which is when the pastor's text study starts. was with them until noon, when i quickly grabbed lunch, talked to my sister kayla, and finalized prep for a bible study at 1:30. did that, ate a snack with them, then retreated back to my batcave, aka my desk. where i proceeded to finalize (which really meant neatly rewriting out my notes) the bible study for wednesday morning. since i was going to be gone for it. then chatted with someone a bit when i was walking out of the church. and left at 6:30 pm. which is a long time to be in a church building without stepping outside once. went home and packed for my overnight trip to come. 

got up wednesday morning, picked up a parishioner, and drove to rochester, mn. which is a good 5.5 hrs away in good traffic. which we did not have. for those of you who don't know, there is about an 8-10 mile stretch on east-bound I-94 into the twin cities that is basically stop and go traffic. not fun. but we made it to the hotel and hopped on a shuttle to go to mayo (i'm healthy but she needed to consult with a surgeon there). so now i can say that i've been to mayo. we ate at famous dave's where they serve way too much food. then i watched some tv before crawling into bed. only to wake up 1.5 hrs later when i got a text message from my baby sister...before crawling back under the covers.

alarm went off at 5:15. i slept until 5:50 (i wasn't going anywhere...) when i woke up again to say a quick bye to the church member (we shared a room) and run out into the rain to get something out of my car. back to bed. woke up, packed my bags, watched some tv waiting for the phone call to pick her up at the clinic. and started the drive back. 

highlight today: ikea! 

she had never been, so we stopped by for the experience. i ate some food and bought some things. it was glorious. then we got back in the car and drove the 4 hrs to bemidji. 

and now i'm sitting in the batcave waiting for a meeting to start. i need to be at a meeting at 7, but i'm so tired and feel as though i'm going to fall asleep before it's over. 

i'm even too tired to get really worked up after reading my internship committee's evaluation of me.

but i can sum it up: i'm too immature, casual and inexperienced to be a parish pastor. oh, and my sermons lack depth (which they define as real-life illustrations) and have not been prepared well enough in advance, and i must admit that they are thinking of my past habits when i started sermon prep on fridays, but the last four months i could generally tell them what my sermon was about on tuesdays...i guess finally learning some discretion about work habits bit me in the behind. again. oh, and another bonus in my committee having the guts to bring up the fact that where i stand in relation to the elca's decision on homosexuality causes them concern. 

but i do have enough fight in me to make one comment: big shocker that you think the 25-year-old is young, casual and lacks experience right now to be an effective parish pastor. even bigger shocker is knowing that my pastoral style would be a great fit for a younger congregation. at least in comparison to them. since most of the congregation, and my committee in particular, are old enough to be grandparents or great-grandparents (seriously, all five are older than my parents, who are already grandparents) and having pastors that have all been on the other side of 30...generally much father down the road on the other side of 30...and as far as my stance in the elca, i would like to point out that this congregation has half the members it did a year ago, and all those who left/are leaving stand exactly where i am. way to kick them (and me) out the door.

oh, and did i happen to mention that my congregation is a known clergy-killer? as in, they drive off their clergy every 5-7 years...and this is the current pastor's 7th year...

so that's my week. and i have to somehow have enough energy to finalize a sermon for sunday in this emotional state...

ugh.