one of the biggest challenges i face is the fact that everything i do and say is constantly being watched and evaluated.
i know most are simply curious or looking to me for guidance, and i'm okay with that.
but what is also quite frustrating is how different generations are not just watching but are evaluating.
my generation seems to be really good at filtering for ourselves. we look at people, and we absorb what we want, ignore what we want, overlook what we want. in a world where we are constantly being bombarded with information, we need to be able to filter.
and i do this when i look at leaders. i look and see what they are doing and saying. if they are being true to themselves and not just putting up a false front, if they are able to match actions and words, if they are trying to hide their brokenness or embrace it as part of who they are.
i want to be a leader not afraid to be who i am.
who i am is broken, prone to making mistakes.
who i am is imperfect, without all the answers.
who i am is a child of God, doing the best i can.
i want to be a leader who is comfortable with all my faults and failings but also with my gifts and talents. God did not create a perfect Kara who will never do anything wrong.
God created me to be me.
and so i endeavor to openly acknowledge my faults and failings and to give voice to those who think that only the "perfect" can be leaders for God's people or be pastors in God's church.
because i do not want to be a leader who puts forth a false front that will topple once people get too close.
i want to be a leader who is respected for choosing to follow God and doing my best and loving God's people, all the while knowing that i am here not because i chose it for myself for my own glory, but that i am here because i truly feel called to embody how God brings all people to the body of Christ for healing and forgiveness and new life.
and so i get frustrated at times when who i am as a child of God (broken and made whole again) clashes with the institution's expectation for how a pastor is to act and what a pastor is to say.
because let's face it, i never will be the perfect example the institution wants.
i can only be who God created me to be, who God calls me to become.
i can only be me.
Showing posts with label serious. Show all posts
Showing posts with label serious. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Post #201 - 12.01.11
as i type this post, i'm sitting in my office at one of the churches. it's super quiet cause no one is around at the moment.
but i'm liking the solitude and stillness so that i can take time to sort through various thoughts
1. it's december. my favorite month has passed (cause who doesn't like the month they were born?). last month had some awesome dates (nov 1 = 11.1.11 and nov 11 = 11.11.11) as well as a couple holidays (veterans day and thanksgiving). but now it's the last month of the year and i'm not sure how it came so quickly...nor do i know how i will keep my sanity in the midst of advent, christmas decorating, hosting a youth party, putting on an open house, three christmas eve services and one christmas morning service while baking the turkey and meal for the family since i'm hosting christmas. but i will get thourgh it and then it will suddenly be january and 2012 (hopefully not the last year for the world...)
2. it's sunny and mostly brown/green outside. i live in nd and yet we have barely any snow on the ground at the moment. we got a light dusting yesterday, but the sun and wind could quickly rid us of what little white we have. i'm just waiting for the giant snowpiles to build. and i know they will. the almanacs are predicting lots of snow, the meteorologists are calling it "la nina" (and astonishingly enough, this is the second year in a row) but i'm actually worried because of what nature is telling us:
- i heard about onions predicting a ton of snow for this month.
- i saw the giant muskrat homes (lodges) as they are building up high in anticipation of either lots of snow or lots of spring water or more likely both.
3. upcoming travel is keeping me excited. i hope to not make a big trip this month (three trips to south dakota last month was quite a bit...my car that i got on halloween already has added 4000 miles in the past four weeks). but i know in january i'll do some traveling. i have a first call theological education retreat, and i'll be taking time off for vacation (with a wedding thrown in) as well as attending luther's convo. and of course, i'm working on planning a big trip to wyoming and new york for graduations in may...my car should get more than enough miles on it. but it's worth it to see family and friends
4. christmas gift shopping. i love black friday because i love to watch people and to spend time with my sisters. this year i went home for thanksgiving, which meant i could make the 20-mile trip to mitchell. kayla and i drove up twice with just the two of us in the car (late night thursday and early morning friday) and we drove up with kendra, kiana and colten friday afternoon to watch the twilight movie. i bought mostly movies and nothing for my secret santa gift. i've been going to thrift stores for that... and thrift stores have awesome deals and a weird variety to make for an amazing gift!
5. i need to force myself to go shopping and pick up a new planner for the coming year. but i'm picky so i'm trying to find one that i simply love and will work best for me.
but i'm liking the solitude and stillness so that i can take time to sort through various thoughts
1. it's december. my favorite month has passed (cause who doesn't like the month they were born?). last month had some awesome dates (nov 1 = 11.1.11 and nov 11 = 11.11.11) as well as a couple holidays (veterans day and thanksgiving). but now it's the last month of the year and i'm not sure how it came so quickly...nor do i know how i will keep my sanity in the midst of advent, christmas decorating, hosting a youth party, putting on an open house, three christmas eve services and one christmas morning service while baking the turkey and meal for the family since i'm hosting christmas. but i will get thourgh it and then it will suddenly be january and 2012 (hopefully not the last year for the world...)
2. it's sunny and mostly brown/green outside. i live in nd and yet we have barely any snow on the ground at the moment. we got a light dusting yesterday, but the sun and wind could quickly rid us of what little white we have. i'm just waiting for the giant snowpiles to build. and i know they will. the almanacs are predicting lots of snow, the meteorologists are calling it "la nina" (and astonishingly enough, this is the second year in a row) but i'm actually worried because of what nature is telling us:
- i heard about onions predicting a ton of snow for this month.
- i saw the giant muskrat homes (lodges) as they are building up high in anticipation of either lots of snow or lots of spring water or more likely both.
3. upcoming travel is keeping me excited. i hope to not make a big trip this month (three trips to south dakota last month was quite a bit...my car that i got on halloween already has added 4000 miles in the past four weeks). but i know in january i'll do some traveling. i have a first call theological education retreat, and i'll be taking time off for vacation (with a wedding thrown in) as well as attending luther's convo. and of course, i'm working on planning a big trip to wyoming and new york for graduations in may...my car should get more than enough miles on it. but it's worth it to see family and friends
4. christmas gift shopping. i love black friday because i love to watch people and to spend time with my sisters. this year i went home for thanksgiving, which meant i could make the 20-mile trip to mitchell. kayla and i drove up twice with just the two of us in the car (late night thursday and early morning friday) and we drove up with kendra, kiana and colten friday afternoon to watch the twilight movie. i bought mostly movies and nothing for my secret santa gift. i've been going to thrift stores for that... and thrift stores have awesome deals and a weird variety to make for an amazing gift!
5. i need to force myself to go shopping and pick up a new planner for the coming year. but i'm picky so i'm trying to find one that i simply love and will work best for me.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
11.1.11 11.11.11
if you are confused by the meaning of the numbers for the post title, don't be
they are simply dates (nov 1, 2011 and nov 11, 2011)
and i'm super sad and completely disappointed in myself that i totally missed blogging and writing those numbers as much as possible :(
here are some things i remember about those days:
11.1.11 (nov 1) - this was the day after i bought my new car and when i wrote a check for my very own car insurance (until then i was only on my parents'). also, this was all saints' day and i went to a lovely service in mchenry where our savior's lutheran invited people to light candles in memory of community members who had died in the past year
11.11.11 (nov 11) - veteran's day. i didn't do too much this day, but there was a baptism (#4 since i was ordained...same number as funerals i've done)
they are simply dates (nov 1, 2011 and nov 11, 2011)
and i'm super sad and completely disappointed in myself that i totally missed blogging and writing those numbers as much as possible :(
here are some things i remember about those days:
11.1.11 (nov 1) - this was the day after i bought my new car and when i wrote a check for my very own car insurance (until then i was only on my parents'). also, this was all saints' day and i went to a lovely service in mchenry where our savior's lutheran invited people to light candles in memory of community members who had died in the past year
11.11.11 (nov 11) - veteran's day. i didn't do too much this day, but there was a baptism (#4 since i was ordained...same number as funerals i've done)
Friday, October 7, 2011
i'm sane!
seriously
i just took an online screening test to see if i have any of the following issues: anxiety disorder, depression, alcoholism, bi-polar disorder, eating disorders, ptsd
each time i was told that my results are NOT consistent with the *insert-tragic-label-here* behavior
woo-hoo for me!
i just took an online screening test to see if i have any of the following issues: anxiety disorder, depression, alcoholism, bi-polar disorder, eating disorders, ptsd
each time i was told that my results are NOT consistent with the *insert-tragic-label-here* behavior
woo-hoo for me!
Monday, May 2, 2011
family pastor
a congregation will be voting this coming sunday on whether or not to call me as their pastor.
i'm super excited (and if you happen to see me and ask me, i'll be wearing a giddy grin and be ready to start bouncing around).
but also nervous. nervous because nothing is set in stone and the vote hasn't taken place yet and i haven't signed papers and we haven't negotiated a start date...
and i keep getting ahead of myself.
about 3 weeks ago i was freaking out about never receiving a call, when all of a sudden a voice popped into my head and told me,
"Be still and know that I am God."
i love it when i get those moments of clarity. they don't happen often, so i really listen up when they do. that day i listened and immediately let go of the concerns and worries and felt my clenched shoulders relax. i was reminded that there was nothing i could do but be still and know that God is God.
and about a week later i was called and informed that a call committee intended on extending a call. i was pleased and shocked and unsure what to feel since the emotions were so intense as the call process was becoming real in a very different way.
i'm going to be a pastor.
what is really startling is how my entire life is working towards full-time ministry. i'm finally beginning to accept the title of pastor. somehow in the past few months, i've become comfortable with being a pastor.
i know, i know. i've been preparing for this for how many years and it's only now that i'm comfortable?
yep, it is.
cause until now i was always a student, but things are changing.
two weeks from today is my last day of classes. i'm nostalgic for the loss of the school setting that i've known and loved for the last 20 years.
but i'm ready to be a professional.
i'm ready to trade in the hoodies for sweaters and cardigans (oh wait, i've already done that...).
i'm giving up t-shirts for clergy shirts (i'm heading to north dakota where pastors can wear clergy shirts with jeans...i plan on wearing jeans at least once a week, just because i err on the informal side).
a year ago, i was still overwhelmed with the idea that my family would see me as a pastor.
a year ago, i needed them to keep me grounded and remember who i was (which was not a pastor).
but now, i'm a pastor.
and i'm still their daughter/sister/cousin/niece/granddaughter/friend.
i'm excited to be both.
last month strangers at a cousin's wedding saw me as the pastor and i'm pretty sure had no idea what my real name was, which i take is a sign that i've ceased to be the student and have stepped into the world of the pastor.
my family has started to shift how they see me and my role.
when i decided to go to seminary, i began being drafted to pray at meals. i still resist every once in a while, but i find it easier to say yes and am flattered to be asked.
when i told people i was going to be a pastor, they started telling me where the openings were.
when they realized that i would be able to preside over weddings and baptize children, they began asking me to enter their lives in new ways as the family pastor.
i talked to two of my four sisters today.
one sought some pastoral advice from me (which oddly enough looks exactly like asking her big sister for advice).
and the other, when she called, joked with me that she was calling to talk to her sister and not the future pastor.
the tension is there between pastor and sister.
but not for them.
because i'm both sister and pastor.
i'm the sister who will be a pastor.
as both pastor and relative, i can bring a special, personal connection to key moments in life transitions.
moments i would be part of anyway as family, but as pastor and family i get to bring a more intimate bond into the moments blessed by God.
and i'm excited
i'm super excited (and if you happen to see me and ask me, i'll be wearing a giddy grin and be ready to start bouncing around).
but also nervous. nervous because nothing is set in stone and the vote hasn't taken place yet and i haven't signed papers and we haven't negotiated a start date...
and i keep getting ahead of myself.
about 3 weeks ago i was freaking out about never receiving a call, when all of a sudden a voice popped into my head and told me,
"Be still and know that I am God."
i love it when i get those moments of clarity. they don't happen often, so i really listen up when they do. that day i listened and immediately let go of the concerns and worries and felt my clenched shoulders relax. i was reminded that there was nothing i could do but be still and know that God is God.
and about a week later i was called and informed that a call committee intended on extending a call. i was pleased and shocked and unsure what to feel since the emotions were so intense as the call process was becoming real in a very different way.
i'm going to be a pastor.
what is really startling is how my entire life is working towards full-time ministry. i'm finally beginning to accept the title of pastor. somehow in the past few months, i've become comfortable with being a pastor.
i know, i know. i've been preparing for this for how many years and it's only now that i'm comfortable?
yep, it is.
cause until now i was always a student, but things are changing.
two weeks from today is my last day of classes. i'm nostalgic for the loss of the school setting that i've known and loved for the last 20 years.
but i'm ready to be a professional.
i'm ready to trade in the hoodies for sweaters and cardigans (oh wait, i've already done that...).
i'm giving up t-shirts for clergy shirts (i'm heading to north dakota where pastors can wear clergy shirts with jeans...i plan on wearing jeans at least once a week, just because i err on the informal side).
a year ago, i was still overwhelmed with the idea that my family would see me as a pastor.
a year ago, i needed them to keep me grounded and remember who i was (which was not a pastor).
but now, i'm a pastor.
and i'm still their daughter/sister/cousin/niece/granddaughter/friend.
i'm excited to be both.
last month strangers at a cousin's wedding saw me as the pastor and i'm pretty sure had no idea what my real name was, which i take is a sign that i've ceased to be the student and have stepped into the world of the pastor.
my family has started to shift how they see me and my role.
when i decided to go to seminary, i began being drafted to pray at meals. i still resist every once in a while, but i find it easier to say yes and am flattered to be asked.
when i told people i was going to be a pastor, they started telling me where the openings were.
when they realized that i would be able to preside over weddings and baptize children, they began asking me to enter their lives in new ways as the family pastor.
i talked to two of my four sisters today.
one sought some pastoral advice from me (which oddly enough looks exactly like asking her big sister for advice).
and the other, when she called, joked with me that she was calling to talk to her sister and not the future pastor.
the tension is there between pastor and sister.
but not for them.
because i'm both sister and pastor.
i'm the sister who will be a pastor.
as both pastor and relative, i can bring a special, personal connection to key moments in life transitions.
moments i would be part of anyway as family, but as pastor and family i get to bring a more intimate bond into the moments blessed by God.
and i'm excited
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
seminary update
alright people, i'm getting stressed/nervous/overwhelmed
life is moving quickly.
very quickly.
i am super busy and both loving and hating it.
(mostly lovin' it)
i enjoy not sitting still.
i enjoy running around like a chicken with my head chopped off.
but i do not enjoy the sensation that i may start crying because i have so much to do and little time to do it in
(but if you ask me a week from now, i will only remember the fun adrenaline rush)
here is my plan:
1. homework - post online, read/skim books and articles, complete assignments
2. interview - this weekend: 4 interviews with 4 parishes/congregations in 4 days
3. live - savor every minute i have left at luther
homework gets done and i will pass classes (p is for pastor, after all).
then i will graduate at the end of may.
then i will hopefully be ordained this summer and start working for the Church
interviews will be done and i may or may not receive a call to be someone's pastor before the summer starts. hopefully at least one congregation i interview with will be the ideal place for me to do ministry with the skills God gave me.
i did a mapquest search to see the approx amount of miles i will be traveling from thursday morning to monday morning: 1118.33 miles
that's spending 19 hrs 42 mins in my car...(not counting the stops for gas, bathroom, food, sleep)
this is the time to live life to its fullest (yeah, i know it's cliche).
i may cry at some point, but i'm hoping it will be tears of joy and not tears of frustration or sorrow.
as someone pointed out to me today, there are only about 6 weeks left to the school year (breathe, kara, breathe).
and as i've been pointing out to friends here, i only know of 2-3 weekends i am going to be sleeping in my apt from now until the end of may (breathe...).
i'm excited for the coming trips, but so much travel wears me down.
but if God can bring me to it, God will see me through it.
(prayers are not only accepted but encouraged)
life is moving quickly.
very quickly.
i am super busy and both loving and hating it.
(mostly lovin' it)
i enjoy not sitting still.
i enjoy running around like a chicken with my head chopped off.
but i do not enjoy the sensation that i may start crying because i have so much to do and little time to do it in
(but if you ask me a week from now, i will only remember the fun adrenaline rush)
here is my plan:
1. homework - post online, read/skim books and articles, complete assignments
2. interview - this weekend: 4 interviews with 4 parishes/congregations in 4 days
3. live - savor every minute i have left at luther
homework gets done and i will pass classes (p is for pastor, after all).
then i will graduate at the end of may.
then i will hopefully be ordained this summer and start working for the Church
interviews will be done and i may or may not receive a call to be someone's pastor before the summer starts. hopefully at least one congregation i interview with will be the ideal place for me to do ministry with the skills God gave me.
i did a mapquest search to see the approx amount of miles i will be traveling from thursday morning to monday morning: 1118.33 miles
that's spending 19 hrs 42 mins in my car...(not counting the stops for gas, bathroom, food, sleep)
this is the time to live life to its fullest (yeah, i know it's cliche).
i may cry at some point, but i'm hoping it will be tears of joy and not tears of frustration or sorrow.
as someone pointed out to me today, there are only about 6 weeks left to the school year (breathe, kara, breathe).
and as i've been pointing out to friends here, i only know of 2-3 weekends i am going to be sleeping in my apt from now until the end of may (breathe...).
i'm excited for the coming trips, but so much travel wears me down.
but if God can bring me to it, God will see me through it.
(prayers are not only accepted but encouraged)
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
the draft
fyi: drafts are much more exciting when you are not on the list to be drafted
think about it. there you are, sitting and waiting at the whim of the people who pick you...
but if you're on the outside looking in, you can either ignore everything going on (and ignorance is bliss, after all) or you can be involved via empathy/sympathy
we learned about the draft tonight in between eating pizza and cakepops (yummy) and then worshiping together
me and roughly 200 other elca seminarians from seminaries/divinity schools across the country learned yesterday/today where they were assigned in the draft (officially the draft is known as assignment)
i, like a good chunk of my classmates at luther, will be staying in region 3 (minnesota, north dakota, south dakota)
it was interesting to watch reactions as they varied from joy (including one friend who jumped on her chair she was so excited) to acceptance to disappointment.
i personally fell somewhere between acceptance and disappointment. not that i don't love region 3 (cause i do since it's my dear home that i've lived all but a few years in) but deep down i had been hoping to leave my home and experience what the rest of the country has to offer. i was ready to spread my wings and fly away from the "tri-ota" region.
at the same time, i'm excited cause so many of my friends are in my region.
i also won a yo-yo in a raffle tonight. not that it does me any good whatsoever, but i won something
think about it. there you are, sitting and waiting at the whim of the people who pick you...
but if you're on the outside looking in, you can either ignore everything going on (and ignorance is bliss, after all) or you can be involved via empathy/sympathy
we learned about the draft tonight in between eating pizza and cakepops (yummy) and then worshiping together
me and roughly 200 other elca seminarians from seminaries/divinity schools across the country learned yesterday/today where they were assigned in the draft (officially the draft is known as assignment)
i, like a good chunk of my classmates at luther, will be staying in region 3 (minnesota, north dakota, south dakota)
it was interesting to watch reactions as they varied from joy (including one friend who jumped on her chair she was so excited) to acceptance to disappointment.
i personally fell somewhere between acceptance and disappointment. not that i don't love region 3 (cause i do since it's my dear home that i've lived all but a few years in) but deep down i had been hoping to leave my home and experience what the rest of the country has to offer. i was ready to spread my wings and fly away from the "tri-ota" region.
at the same time, i'm excited cause so many of my friends are in my region.
i also won a yo-yo in a raffle tonight. not that it does me any good whatsoever, but i won something
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
warning: serious posting ahead
okay, folks, here's the deal:
tomorrow is a big day in the life of numerous future pastors. (with a few exceptions)
tomorrow is the day when i will be handed an envelope.
and in the envelope will be a number of a region (1-9) of the united states that i will be assigned to after graduation. for example, region 3 of the elca is what i think of as "tri-ota" since it is north dakota, south dakota and minnesota while region 9 is the entire southeast corner of the country.
next step after assignment: finding out which synod i will be sent to.
the next step after synod placement: finding a congregation that i feel called to and that wants to call me.
but first, tomorrow must arrive.
and tomorrow, i will be texting, facebooking, emailing and blogging about where in the country kara will be going to soon enough
tomorrow is a big day in the life of numerous future pastors. (with a few exceptions)
tomorrow is the day when i will be handed an envelope.
and in the envelope will be a number of a region (1-9) of the united states that i will be assigned to after graduation. for example, region 3 of the elca is what i think of as "tri-ota" since it is north dakota, south dakota and minnesota while region 9 is the entire southeast corner of the country.
next step after assignment: finding out which synod i will be sent to.
the next step after synod placement: finding a congregation that i feel called to and that wants to call me.
but first, tomorrow must arrive.
and tomorrow, i will be texting, facebooking, emailing and blogging about where in the country kara will be going to soon enough
Saturday, February 19, 2011
money money money
it seems as though so much of life revolves around money: buying/selling things, working (or not working), borrowing, loaning, sitting through hours of learning about the basics of clergy tax law...
i know that money is one of those necessary evils but can be a great aid. in and of itself, money is not good or bad. but when connected with human beings, well...that's an entirely different story...
the bad: greed.
i'm sure there are other things, but i keep thinking that money is the root of all evil. even when not fighting about it, we worry and obsess about whether we have it or not. whether we have enough or not. i mean, taxes are their own form of punishment (no matter how much i may like math, i hate number crunching and figuring out what is tax deductible or taxable). g-ross.
the ambivalent: survival.
survival needs money to purchase what we need since we no longer live on the barter system. (which saddens me cause i think i would prefer to live in a time where i would be given a chicken as payment for a service rendered) can't live with it, can't live without it.
the good: generosity.
generosity is a sign that there is still hope for people. that people still care for and about their neighbors. i find joy in giving (even more so when i give of my time than my checkblanks). or for when i am in need, i am grateful for the generosity of others. those are the times when i find that i am most reminded that i am blessed and am able to share what i have been blessed with.
i know that money is one of those necessary evils but can be a great aid. in and of itself, money is not good or bad. but when connected with human beings, well...that's an entirely different story...
the bad: greed.
i'm sure there are other things, but i keep thinking that money is the root of all evil. even when not fighting about it, we worry and obsess about whether we have it or not. whether we have enough or not. i mean, taxes are their own form of punishment (no matter how much i may like math, i hate number crunching and figuring out what is tax deductible or taxable). g-ross.
the ambivalent: survival.
survival needs money to purchase what we need since we no longer live on the barter system. (which saddens me cause i think i would prefer to live in a time where i would be given a chicken as payment for a service rendered) can't live with it, can't live without it.
the good: generosity.
generosity is a sign that there is still hope for people. that people still care for and about their neighbors. i find joy in giving (even more so when i give of my time than my checkblanks). or for when i am in need, i am grateful for the generosity of others. those are the times when i find that i am most reminded that i am blessed and am able to share what i have been blessed with.
Friday, January 21, 2011
life on buffer
so today, instead of working on homework, i pondered life (while watching alien shows all day since i don't have class on fridays). technically most of the pondering took place while shows were buffering.
and i started to think of how my life is like watching episodes and movies via internet where the scene moves along for some time but then buffers for some time and you can do nothing but wait.
i'm still working on the metaphor, but i'm liking it so far.
cause i totally get the whole buffering zone, aka waiting.
it's really annoying when you can do nothing but wait, whether patiently or impatiently...
life seems to be on hold at times. the clock keeps ticking, the sun keeps moving, the snow keeps falling. yet sometimes i sitting and waiting to see what comes in the midst of constant movement.
and i started to think of how my life is like watching episodes and movies via internet where the scene moves along for some time but then buffers for some time and you can do nothing but wait.
i'm still working on the metaphor, but i'm liking it so far.
cause i totally get the whole buffering zone, aka waiting.
it's really annoying when you can do nothing but wait, whether patiently or impatiently...
life seems to be on hold at times. the clock keeps ticking, the sun keeps moving, the snow keeps falling. yet sometimes i sitting and waiting to see what comes in the midst of constant movement.
life on buffer
so today, instead of working on homework, i pondered life (while watching alien shows all day since i don't have class on fridays). technically most of the pondering took place while shows were buffering.
and i started to think of how my life is like watching episodes and movies via internet where the scene moves along for some time but then buffers for some time and you can do nothing but wait.
i'm still working on the metaphor, but i'm liking it so far.
cause i totally get the whole buffering zone, aka waiting.
it's really annoying when you can do nothing but wait, whether patiently or impatiently...
life seems to be on hold at times. the clock keeps ticking, the sun keeps moving, the snow keeps falling. yet sometimes i sitting and waiting to see what comes in the midst of constant movement.
and i started to think of how my life is like watching episodes and movies via internet where the scene moves along for some time but then buffers for some time and you can do nothing but wait.
i'm still working on the metaphor, but i'm liking it so far.
cause i totally get the whole buffering zone, aka waiting.
it's really annoying when you can do nothing but wait, whether patiently or impatiently...
life seems to be on hold at times. the clock keeps ticking, the sun keeps moving, the snow keeps falling. yet sometimes i sitting and waiting to see what comes in the midst of constant movement.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
the great move-in
sounds odd to be talking about moving in, but that's kinda what it feels like right now in my apartment since i have boxes and bags just waiting for me to unpack...
i took 6 days to unload my car. for realz. cause i like to do it in stages. and of course, i only want to go outside once or twice a day when it's so cold outside.
i cleaned the kitchen floor today. this was essentially a first time for this since i hate cleaning, but it was grody and disgusting and needed to not be that...
yesterday i pounded together a shelf to help me organize. it was noisy (and i feel bad that i harassed the my neighbors a floor below), but very refreshing. i liked being able to use george (if you don't remember, my hammer is named george - i even wrote his name on him just so i don't forget). and being able to do something physical and mind-numbing and productive. i like being able to see a finished work. granted, i should have been reading philosophical discourse about what it means that "the word became flesh"
one of these years i need to go through my clothes and shoes and figure out what i don't need/want...
i am always amazed how weird it is to shift from home to home. my parents' home is where i spent my formative years and get back to at least a few times a year to be with family and sleep in a room that still has a wall that i decorated. but luther is also home. the buildings and people are sometimes more familiar to me than my hometown. sad but true since i think i have spent more time on this campus the last four years than at my parents' over the last 9 years...
i took 6 days to unload my car. for realz. cause i like to do it in stages. and of course, i only want to go outside once or twice a day when it's so cold outside.
i cleaned the kitchen floor today. this was essentially a first time for this since i hate cleaning, but it was grody and disgusting and needed to not be that...
yesterday i pounded together a shelf to help me organize. it was noisy (and i feel bad that i harassed the my neighbors a floor below), but very refreshing. i liked being able to use george (if you don't remember, my hammer is named george - i even wrote his name on him just so i don't forget). and being able to do something physical and mind-numbing and productive. i like being able to see a finished work. granted, i should have been reading philosophical discourse about what it means that "the word became flesh"
one of these years i need to go through my clothes and shoes and figure out what i don't need/want...
i am always amazed how weird it is to shift from home to home. my parents' home is where i spent my formative years and get back to at least a few times a year to be with family and sleep in a room that still has a wall that i decorated. but luther is also home. the buildings and people are sometimes more familiar to me than my hometown. sad but true since i think i have spent more time on this campus the last four years than at my parents' over the last 9 years...
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
pre-pastor jitters
here is something that i've been thinking about.
pastors have the weirdest conversations. much like the ones i've been having lately.
and i'm not even a pastor yet.
why is it that people hear that i'm a seminary student studying to be a pastor and decide that the time has come for the pastor-in-training to hear their confessions?
sometimes it makes me laugh. like having people assure me that they've read the whole bible. or that they go to church. i find it somewhat amusing when people insist upon assuring me that they do all the right things to be considered a good christian.
other times it makes me scared. like having people confess their dark, deep secrets. cause i have no idea what to do when i hear about the issues from people's lives - marriages/divorces, kid issues, job concerns, etc. and it scares me to think that my future will be riddled with knowing the tough situations people go through and yet not having any idea of how to help beyond giving all concerns back to God...
but i suppose, that's the main job for a pastor to do: figure out how God is working as we figure out how to live, loving God and neighbor...
pastors have the weirdest conversations. much like the ones i've been having lately.
and i'm not even a pastor yet.
why is it that people hear that i'm a seminary student studying to be a pastor and decide that the time has come for the pastor-in-training to hear their confessions?
sometimes it makes me laugh. like having people assure me that they've read the whole bible. or that they go to church. i find it somewhat amusing when people insist upon assuring me that they do all the right things to be considered a good christian.
other times it makes me scared. like having people confess their dark, deep secrets. cause i have no idea what to do when i hear about the issues from people's lives - marriages/divorces, kid issues, job concerns, etc. and it scares me to think that my future will be riddled with knowing the tough situations people go through and yet not having any idea of how to help beyond giving all concerns back to God...
but i suppose, that's the main job for a pastor to do: figure out how God is working as we figure out how to live, loving God and neighbor...
Thursday, November 18, 2010
big news
why is it that life seems to either be rushing by or moving slower than a snail?
the beginning of this week seemed like it would never end. five days of school and classes this week with a major project to be completed as well as three different papers.
but then next week is thanksgiving break. five days off from school. although i will be spending some of those days working on essays or paperwork.
the first three days crawled by. then today happened. and time sped up.
time really does fly when you have fun.
i found out this morning that the faculty has approved me to continue on my merry way towards ordination. this means that i only have to impress the candidacy committee. wish me luck in early january!
but i also had a bittersweet time with my preaching/worship lab. this was our last time together. our lab is over and done for the rest of the semester. we had a good time but it's sad to let that fun end. of course, we still have class for another month. but it's not the same knowing we won't be spending two hours a week as a small group.
and the other excitement is the new harry potter film. i'm going to see it tonight with friends. we'll be traveling all the way to edina, which means that we will have an extra late night. but i'm super excited...and if i get around to it tomorrow in between classes and flying to virginia beach for a wedding, i'll post my thoughts. warning: i'm gonna love it. no matter what. i'm a harry potter fan and i know i'll love it.
i really should be packing for my trip. still have to decide on what to take with to wear to the wedding. have an idea, but still debating. and the sad thing when flying is that you have to pay to bring more than one option...so i need to solidify my decision and throw it in my bag. well, not throw. cause throwing leads to wrinkles. so fold or roll nicely.
that is all for now.
so much going on and i'm loving it!
the beginning of this week seemed like it would never end. five days of school and classes this week with a major project to be completed as well as three different papers.
but then next week is thanksgiving break. five days off from school. although i will be spending some of those days working on essays or paperwork.
the first three days crawled by. then today happened. and time sped up.
time really does fly when you have fun.
i found out this morning that the faculty has approved me to continue on my merry way towards ordination. this means that i only have to impress the candidacy committee. wish me luck in early january!
but i also had a bittersweet time with my preaching/worship lab. this was our last time together. our lab is over and done for the rest of the semester. we had a good time but it's sad to let that fun end. of course, we still have class for another month. but it's not the same knowing we won't be spending two hours a week as a small group.
and the other excitement is the new harry potter film. i'm going to see it tonight with friends. we'll be traveling all the way to edina, which means that we will have an extra late night. but i'm super excited...and if i get around to it tomorrow in between classes and flying to virginia beach for a wedding, i'll post my thoughts. warning: i'm gonna love it. no matter what. i'm a harry potter fan and i know i'll love it.
i really should be packing for my trip. still have to decide on what to take with to wear to the wedding. have an idea, but still debating. and the sad thing when flying is that you have to pay to bring more than one option...so i need to solidify my decision and throw it in my bag. well, not throw. cause throwing leads to wrinkles. so fold or roll nicely.
that is all for now.
so much going on and i'm loving it!
Thursday, November 11, 2010
veterans and soldiers
happy day to remember, acknowledge and thank the many veterans who risk their lives to defend what the great nation stands for (aka freedom and liberty and rights)!
i will never be a veteran since i will never be a soldier (me and the armed forces' training don't mix well)
but i do appreciate what many men and women sacrifice(d) in order to fight for our country
i especially appreciate those friends and family who have the distinguished title of veteran - especially those who fought in the conflict zones of iraq, kuwait, afghanistan
here is a sampling (and i apologize to any names i neglect but will add if notified i forgot someone) of those who have donned a uniform:
kendall
trevor
chris
bob
carl
scott
eric
jeff
don
craig
audrey
brett
cody
bryan
brett w
corey
sally
i will never be a veteran since i will never be a soldier (me and the armed forces' training don't mix well)
but i do appreciate what many men and women sacrifice(d) in order to fight for our country
i especially appreciate those friends and family who have the distinguished title of veteran - especially those who fought in the conflict zones of iraq, kuwait, afghanistan
here is a sampling (and i apologize to any names i neglect but will add if notified i forgot someone) of those who have donned a uniform:
kendall
trevor
chris
bob
carl
scott
eric
jeff
don
craig
audrey
brett
cody
bryan
brett w
corey
sally
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Prayers for the victims and survivors of the quake in Haiti
Yesterday morning, when I was traveling around to and from chapel services at nursing homes here in Bemidji, I had my radio tuned to a local Christian station that kept talking about the 7.0 earthquake that hit Haiti on January 12.
I felt bad for the people of Haiti, but my emotions stopped there.
I kept getting frustrated because they kept talking about it when I wanted to hear some music.
Looking back, I should have known better.
And I feel like shit that I didn't care.
I then received an email from the president of my seminary informing the seminary community that the four Luther Sem students who were/are in Haiti are safe and trying to get back home.
One name on the list sounded familiar. Completely misspelled from how she spells it, but I just so happened to guess that the Catherine Emory was actually my friend Katie Emery.
And when I checked her Facebook profile and saw that her status was 'in Haiti til the 19th', my hunch was confirmed.
So then this whole earthquake ordeal took on a whole new level now that I knew one person directly affected by the quake. And someone I count as a good friend.
Then I was continuing to peruse Facebook statuses when I noticed one posted by another friend, Sarah Thomson, about how she was alive and in Haiti.
And it became even more painful.
Then tonight I was perusing the ever-prominent Facebook yet again.
And I read about a death of a Wartburg Seminary student, whose death was actually the first American named. One whose name was familiar to me because I went to college with his cousin, who also happened to be in Haiti. So my prayer list has now expanded to include my old colleague, Jon Larson, and his cousin who died in the earthquake, Ben Larson.
And through a roundabout method, I discovered that another acquaintance, Laura D'Angelo, was also there in the same group with Sarah and Katie.
I felt bad for the people of Haiti, but my emotions stopped there.
I kept getting frustrated because they kept talking about it when I wanted to hear some music.
Looking back, I should have known better.
And I feel like shit that I didn't care.
I then received an email from the president of my seminary informing the seminary community that the four Luther Sem students who were/are in Haiti are safe and trying to get back home.
One name on the list sounded familiar. Completely misspelled from how she spells it, but I just so happened to guess that the Catherine Emory was actually my friend Katie Emery.
And when I checked her Facebook profile and saw that her status was 'in Haiti til the 19th', my hunch was confirmed.
So then this whole earthquake ordeal took on a whole new level now that I knew one person directly affected by the quake. And someone I count as a good friend.
Then I was continuing to peruse Facebook statuses when I noticed one posted by another friend, Sarah Thomson, about how she was alive and in Haiti.
And it became even more painful.
Then tonight I was perusing the ever-prominent Facebook yet again.
And I read about a death of a Wartburg Seminary student, whose death was actually the first American named. One whose name was familiar to me because I went to college with his cousin, who also happened to be in Haiti. So my prayer list has now expanded to include my old colleague, Jon Larson, and his cousin who died in the earthquake, Ben Larson.
And through a roundabout method, I discovered that another acquaintance, Laura D'Angelo, was also there in the same group with Sarah and Katie.
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